literature

So Much Pain pt1

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I sat down facing Eddie on the couch. "I need to tell you something important."
He nodded. "Go right ahead dude."
I sighed. Eddie would be the easiest person to come out to, so I had decided to get it over with now. "I'm gay." It was plain and simple, no elaboration, no stuttering, just facts.
He looked me in the eye and said, "I can respect that."
I released a breath.
"Did you expect me to get mad at you? Kick you out? Dude, you're my best friend, I'll stick with you no matter what." With that, he wrapped me in a hug. I sighed. If only it would be this easy for everyone.
As I pulled away he asked the one question I was dreading.
"How do you know?
Now was the time for stuttering. "I, um, might be in love with...”
"In love with who?"
"K-Kevin." I looked away, not meeting his eyes.
He sighed. “Are you sure? How do you know?”
“Yes and I don’t. He’s got a beautiful face, and an even more beautiful voice, and whenever I talk to him my face heats up and my heart beats faster, but that isn’t exactly it…”
He leaned back. “Aleks, I can understand, but it isn’t exactly-“
“I know Eddie. I can’t help it. It’s just… I don’t know.”
“What about Tiffany?”
“I-I don’t know. I feel horrible. She was looking forward to escaping her family, and now-“ I was cut off by a choked sob. I didn’t mean to get so emotional, I just hated that this would hurt her so much. It wasn’t her fault, but she would have to deal with the heartbreak. “What will I do? I can’t just tell her not to move out, but I-“
Eddie sighed again. “You have to do what’s right. If you let her move out here, then leave her for Kevin, that will hurt her more than anything. You just have to tell her the truth.

*TIME SKIP*

Kevin moved to Colorado two months after I broke up with Tiffany. Turns out she had the same feeling with someone else, and would move in with them. I was relieved that I didn’t have to break her heart.
I had been debating whether to tell Kevin about me or not with the help of Eddie and Bek, who I also told. Together we reached the conclusion that I would come out to him, but not tell him how I feel about him. It would still be hard, even more so if he were to ask the same question Eddie did.
That morning I had decided to come out to Kevin. I woke up bright and early, cooked breakfast, and texted Kevin to see if I could go over his place. He replied almost immediately with a yes. Hurriedly I changed out of my pajamas and drove over to his apartment. He invited me in with a warm smile, the kind that made my stomach flutter. Time lurched for a moment and I found myself sitting on his couch, in the same position I had come out to Eddie in.
"So, what's up? Why did you want to come over?" He asked with his deep, smooth voice.
"There's something important you need to know about me."
"Go right ahead."
"I'm, uh, I'm gay."
“With who?” The question was almost immediate; he took no time to think.
I looked away. We didn’t bother coming up with a backup plan for this. I did the only thing I could think of in that moment. I lied. “Um, one of the band members in Stuck In Your Radio.”
Time slowed to a sluggish pace after I said that. I couldn’t look at him, in fear he would hate me.
The hurt on his face didn’t register for me; I mistook it for anger. “You should go.” He said softly, sounding pained.
I didn’t want to argue, and couldn’t see how he had started to tear up, so I got up and left.
In the car I had started to cry. He hates me. He hates me. I lost Kevin before I could have him. The thoughts echoed in my head. I took my time driving home. Time once again sped by, and I found myself lying in bed crying. Eddie hadn’t heard me come in, so I was completely alone. He hates me. Kevin really hates me.
The door cracked open, and Eddie stepped through. “Kevin just called.”
I looked up, tears running down my face. He continued. “He said you were with one of the band members.”
“Why does he care? He hates me.” I sounded like a needy teenager, but I didn’t care.
“Why do you think that?”
“When I told him, he was angry, and he kicked me out.”
“That anger you thought you saw? That was sadness. He loved you, and when you told him you were dating someone else, he was devastated. He called me, crying, and told me how his hopes had been raised and dashed instantly. You broke his heart.”
My mind reeled and my mouth hung open. “Wha-wha…”
Eddie turned and left. As he exited he called over his shoulder, “When you feel like talking, call him.”
Brand new story! I decided to try a new pairing instead of endless immortalfox oneshots. Speaking of which, what would the ship name be? Immortalblackhawk? Kevleks? I dunno...
© 2013 - 2024 Fusrodovah
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Hoagster35's avatar
Why am I having feels for this. Nothing against gays tho, I'm just not comfortable with it.